More and more women are joining the rat race and taking over the formerly male-dominated role of breadwinner. This has both positive and negative effects on the family, marriage and relationship.I’m highlighting below the negatives or challenges faced by women as they wade through this once unfamiliar territory of being breadwinners and taking over their husband’s responsibilities.1. Respect vs. ResentmentRespect is definitely the first casualty in this instance because when a man fails to provide, it takes off from his qualities and he might seem less of a man to his wife. She might begin to resent him for taking a backseat and leaving her to take up his duties. This might also be made worse by what the man feels about himself and his wife. His self esteem might take a plunge as he feels jealousy of his wife’s achievements. Instead of supporting her, he ends up fighting her and trying to pull her down to a position where he can still exercise control. This action goes counter the loving and cherishing that he is supposed to do and so has a ripple negative effect on the respect that he continues to lose.2. Who has the final say?Since the man is supposed to be the head of the family and chief provider, he is supposed to have the last say after taking into consideration the input of the wife. However, when he is not the breadwinner, this position is also diminished as usually the breadwinner wants to have the final say. This has been the biggest challenge in my marriage since I really feel that I should be in charge of my finances. This brings a lot of complications and can grossly affect the relationship. As more and more women join the workplace and become earners, they are beginning to take control of their finances and want to be part of the decision making process and a very significant part if they happen to be the main breadwinners.3. How it affects the childrenI have noticed that my children approach me for most if not all their material needs. In the ideal world we should all be going to my husband as the main provider. This is so tricky and it creates a very uncomfortable and embarrassing situation but they know very well that I am the breadwinner. Maybe, I have managed to dominate and have taken-over my husband’s headship but because he still wants to exercise headship, we end up having a lot of friction. It is also true that in such situations where women have taken-over, the father loses his children’s respect and honour.4. Balancing reality with ExpectationsIt therefore follows that we need to balance our expectations as women with the reality on the ground. If a woman expects the husband to be the provider and he fails to do so, what is she supposed to do? I really believe that in order to avoid unnecessary friction, both husband and wife need to adjust in order to strike a balance. A lot of things can happens in life that affect the husband’s ability to provide for his family, such as illnesses, retrenchments in the current global economic environments or just inability or lack of qualifications for gainful employment. Failure to adjust and re-arrange the duties and responsibilities cause a lot of the tension that is created in the home.What is the ideal situation?I can testify to the effects of having a woman as the breadwinner in a marital setting because I have been one for the past 21years. It is a different issue if one is single or a single parent as there is no alternative that we can consider and compare with. I believe that God created the marriage institution in a specific and complex way and any attempt to twist or turn it will have some adverse effects. The husband is the head of the family and main provider ( Ephesians 5v29), he is also the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church (Ephesians 5v23. This is supported by biblical scriptures in that the woman was created as a helper (Genesis 2v18).It therefore follows that the husband should provide for his wife as Christ provides for the church. He needs to do this in order to maintain his position of headship and respect. The Bible also commands women to respect and submit to their husbands (Ephesians 5v33) and I believe this is fully achievable when he is taking responsibility to love his wife as himself, nourishing, and protecting her.
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